so much for a marriage!

On 3 February 2010, police arrested a 23 year old youth at Thakurli railway station, Mumbai, for allegedly abducting and killing a 13 tear old boy. It was reported that the accused abducted the boy and demanded a ransom amount that he planned to spend for his marriage.

One life was ended and another was ruined along with that of many amongst the relatives of these two individuals. And that too, to have a lavish marriage! Was it so necessary to have that marriage so lavishly when ample money was not available?

This reminds me of another story that happened few years ago. My neighbor was a 24 year old rickshaw-puller. The only other member of his family was his mother. She was working in a coal factory. I came to know that Sanyasi, the rickshaw-puller, had been saving money since last seven to eight years for his marriage. His mother had also been doing the same for the marriage.

I still remember the day when Sanyasi got married about seven years ago. He did not look like a poor rickshaw-puller from any angle. On the contrary, being dressed in a well-fitting suit, he looked so handsome that even the best looking people in the locality envied him. On the same day, another middle-class businessman also got married. But, Sanyasi was praised by everyone for providing a spectacular dinner to the guests. The businessman failed to earn compliments.

The next day of the marriage, I heard Sudashna, Sanyasi’s mother, talking to my mother. She said that they had spent everything they had for the marriage. They had also spent the amount that they received as dowry.They had also taken some loan for the marriage, for which they would take five more years to pay back.

After the bride-groom’s proud mother left, I asked my mother whether their house was a rented one or they owned it. She said that it was a rented one. I was sure that with all that money they spent in that marriage, they could buy a bigger house than they were living in. In addition, if the marriage had been a little less lavish, the tension of paying back a loan for five more years would not have remained. They could concentrate fully on nurturing the children and creating a base for their future.

Now, Sanyasi has two sons and one daughter. He is living in the same rented house struggling to provide a manageable education to his children. His current monthly income is equal to the amount that he had spent for crackers that were fired during the wedding procession.

Truly, how much a lavish marriage costs to poor people!

Putting an end to compulsory marriage

In India, marriage has always been defined as one of the most divine relationships. A man and a woman (let's talk about inter-sex marriages only) tie the knot promising each other that they are going to dedicate the rest of their lives to each other. In the process, they adjust with the nature, mood, character, attitude and intelligence of each other investing every effort to hundred percent in order to save their bondage. This is the simple theory of this so-called tie-up. Sounds very sweet! It would have sounded sweeter, if the same characteristics had been visible in each and every marriage.

India is a country where from the very childhood, everyone is fed with the notions that once grown up, he or she is going to get married. Therefore one grows up with the dreams of his or her marriage. But even then, marriage is marked by many negative thoughts by a group (though very small) of people.
This part of population might either have got fed up of the bad marriage of their parents or seen only failed or bad marriages around them, or else for any other particular reason. But one thing is clear that they don't want to get diverted by sacrificing their lives to an unpromising marriage. There are even people who prefer some other responsibility or social work over getting married.

All these people who are reluctant to get married are forced to do the same and to live a life they never wanted. By ‘force', I don't mean ‘physically'. There are many social factors that make them available for an unwilling marriage. These factors may be described as:

• The persuasion of parents who want their dynasty to continue existing.
• The narrow narrow-minded society that considers a man Impotent or Effeminate
• The conservative society that considers a woman as cursed, if not married.
• The wrong notion of the parents who think it's a divine achievement to give away the daughter in marriage.
• People who want to get their children married, so that they can make arrangements for the same with grandeur and show off their status.

This is high time these factors created soon-to-be broken relationships spoiling many lives. Now, the time has come to set people free to live in the way they want. Just think, if we are not sure whether the marriage of two people who have been in love for years (as we have already seen many cases earlier) is going to work or not, how can a marriage having any one or both reluctant partners work? In simple words, this is a risk that is taken by putting two lives at stake. Is it compulsory to be taken, I mean, to get married?